Standard of Liberty is a Christ-based foundation
The Standard of Liberty Voice
A publication of The Standard of Liberty Foundation
May 8, 2012, #58
Counterfeit Marriage: A Tangled Web of Deceit
We teach a standard of moral conduct that will protect us from Satan’s many substitutes or counterfeits for marriage. We must understand that any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong. . . Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn temptations toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! President Boyd K. Packer, “Cleansing the Inner Vessel,” Oct. 2010 Gen. Conf.
You’ll have to come to your own conclusion why LDS Living Magazine, owned by Deseret Book and sold at Deseret Bookstores, has published an over-the-top cover article that is the antithesis of the above statement by President Packer, the second highest ranking leader in the LDS Church.
Our Story, Living with Same-sex Attraction by Ty and Danielle Mansfield, appearing in the May/June 2012 issue is a lengthy article illustrated with over a dozen photos, including a huge 2-page-spread close-up of the couple's faces (he is kissing her on the cheek). Written by the author of two gay-affirming books published by Deseret Book and his wife, the article is based on some serious new kookiness and some very false presumptions. What is presented as a happy, warm, fuzzy, and above all, highly spiritual article, is actually a tangled web of ignorance, delusion, and manipulation.
Please note that even more dangerous than the false representation of homosexuality as pure and noble, and the radical redefinition of some higher form of marriage that is supposedly nonsexual, is the presumptuous spiritual component in this article. The claim of personal revelation on sweeping topics that affect the very foundations of an entire people’s faith is this author's stock in trade. We quote from Ty Mansfield's book, In Quiet Desperation, in which he likens himself to Moses. "It was as if the Lord were saying to me, ' . . . Ancient Israel was called to build a tabernacle . . . You, my son, have likewise been called to a responsibility of great magnitude, for you have been called to build a kingdom'" (247). Please see Dr. A. Dean Byrd’s review of this book.
We apologize if the following intrudes on this couple's privacy. As always, we do not mean to attack individuals and most certainly wish only the best for this young couple and their innocent child. It is only because they have set themselves up as a light and voluntarily made their “mixed orientation marriage” an object of public concern by publicizing and defending what Pres. Packer called one of “Satan’s many substitutes or counterfeits for marriage” that we feel we must respond to this article. Sorry this is so long; there are just so many things wrong with the article.
What is same-sex attraction anyway? It seems Mansfield has convinced his wife that SSA, although it is his claim to fame, doesn’t mean anything of any importance. She says, “I don’t think much about my husband experiencing SSA unless something stereotypical comes up, like he’s a much better decorator than I am and he is a better listener than any other man I’ve ever dated.” What does she think gayness is – just some outward trappings she happens to consider unusual in men? Then she has drunk the gay Koolaid and doesn’t know much about the opposite sex. Just because a man is artistic or a good listener does not mean he is homosexual. In fact, all healthy men have everything it takes to be men in all the important ways no matter what their talents or hobbies.
If SSA is just about innocuous outward characteristics, who cares about it? Why do we feel sorry for men who paint or sing? Why do they need special rights? Why do we care about this couple? It’s like any other couple. Danielle writes, “People sometimes want to know what it’s like to be married to someone who experiences same-sex attraction. My answer is, I don’t know.” So, LDS Living has published an article about nothing? It’s like an episode of Seinfeld.
This girl needs to know that if your husband is same-sex attracted it means he is sexually attracted to men, not women. He is turned on sexually by men, otherwise he is not same-sex attracted. To him the idea of thinking sexually of women is as distasteful as you thinking sexually of women.
It follows that either this couple has never consummated their marriage and instead used artificial insemination to get pregnant, or the SSA husband has prostituted himself who knows how many times in order to impregnate his wife and found it repulsive every time. On the other hand, if they have consummated and he didn’t find it repulsive, then he is heterosexual by any definition. That's right, if he is enjoying intimacy with this opposite sex person he says he loves “to spend time with,” he is heterosexual and is playing a horrible trick on his wife and everyone else by pretending to be homosexual. Yes, heterosexuality is very natural and common. In fact, it makes the world go 'round. We hear from Danielle herself that her husband "is a more loving and affectionate husband than I ever imagined."
Can it be that this couple has no understanding of either homosexuality or heterosexuality? Can it be that the publishers of this magazine don’t either? We can’t believe any intelligent adult could be that ignorant. Perhaps it’s more along the lines of denial, deception, or an agenda.
Isn't this called infidelity, no matter which genders are involved? If he isn’t having sexual fantasies about anyone in particular, what constitutes his SSA at this time? If he’s being faithful to his wife in his heart, he can’t be having attractions for anyone else of either gender. So, how is he experiencing SSA and remaining faithful? In our Church temple we covenant to keep our passions and desires within the Lord’s bounds. Yes, responsible adults have this choice and ability. Does his wife know he is breaking this covenant by “living with same-sex attraction?” Remember, same-sex attraction is sexual, otherwise it’s just friendship.
How does anyone know he isn’t making all this up, that it isn’t all a big hoax?
To quote, before the author met his future wife he was “having frustration around some deep emotional connections I had developed with another guy, and it hurt that I couldn’t have what a part of me really wanted.” What he is saying is, he wanted a sexual relationship with this man to consummate their emotional connection. According to the article, he and his wife also have deep emotional connections, but now he has chosen to cause another person, his wife, who is heterosexual, this very frustration and pain because, if he really is same-sex attracted, she cannot have what a part of her really wants: being truly one with her husband in every way.
In fact, we heard of a “mixed-orientation couple” in which the wife has agreed to take libido-repressing medications. How is that fair? Why doesn’t the man take them too? Where are the feminists? Talk about counterfeit marriage! What a strange new way to use and abuse someone! You just can’t make this stuff up.
What about the wife’s sexuality? What is she allowed to do, romantically, aside from the fake lovemaking? Do they have some sort of system for that? Is she ever allowed to act like a lover, or even an affectionate wife, as in reaching out and taking his hand or running her hand through his hair? Does she surprise her husband, at least on their anniversary, by preparing a fancy dinner, lighting candles, playing their favorite song and taking a spin around the kitchen? Is there ever any hope for tender romance? Or is that a taboo subject? Shouldn’t he be repulsed and suspicious if she tries something a lover would do? Does he make all the rules? Does she care that he is pretending? What is she allowed to say? Has she promised never to tempt him? Does she believe it would be futile and she would be rejected so she doesn't even try? Wouldn't she be insulting, annoying, even homophobic if she attempted to use her womanly charms on him? If he is so affectionate, as she says, isn’t it confusing? Might she think he really loves her as regular married people do? Does he show any signs of having to resist her charms? Does she wonder why he doesn’t try resisting his same-sex attractions instead of resisting her? And what if, just what if, her womanly charms accidentally started working? (She’s got to be hoping they might.) Would they celebrate and write a big article telling the world that he is opposite-sex attracted now?
Before they were married, in response to some online criticism of their publicized engagement, this young woman wrote to her fiance that she felt he loved her "more now than many people ever love their partners or spouses." Twenty/thirty-something, never been married, and yet they presume to know all about married love. Man, are these kids clueless. They evidently do not know that the sexual relationship enhances marriage in a way nothing else can. It's what distinguishes marriage from every other kind of loving relationship.
In summary, the LDS Living article is very much a tangled web of deceit and delusion. What we are treated to is an embarrassing display of pseudo moral and spiritual superiority coming from a young, mixed- up, "mixed orientation" couple who pretend to know everything about themselves, God, marriage, sex, love, and family. The ignorance and presumption are astounding and the dangers and implications far-reaching for the couple and those whom they influence.
On a positive note, our prayer is that this author will think things through and get some help for the sake of his family and future. If we could communicate one thought to him, it would be this. It is from A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain. In this beautiful quote the main character is talking about his new wife, whom to his surprise he finds he has truly grown to love, body and soul.
“Now I didn’t know I was drawing a prize, yet that was what I did draw. Within the twelvemonth I became her worshiper; and ours was the dearest and perfectest comradeship that ever was. People talk about beautiful friendships between two persons of the same sex. What is the best of that sort, as compared with the friendship of man and wife, where the best impulses and highest ideals of both are the same? There is no place for comparison between the two friendships; the one is earthly, the other divine.”
Of course by man and wife he means they enjoy sexual attraction and intimacy as only man and wife can and should, yes, because of those God-given “emotions and hormones” made for that purpose, which tender sexual life silently strengthens, enriches, and distinguishes every other facet of their relationship: spiritual, intellectual, emotional.
–Stephen & Janice Graham
Copyright 2012 by Standard of Liberty Foundation, Inc. All rights reserved.